


i’m glad you were my friend (though i may never see you again)

by half_right_writer



Series: the way you showed me that I wasn’t quite alone [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Feels, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano-centric, And Rex Gives Her One, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post Victory and Death, Post-Order 66, heavy on the hurt, i think, light on the comfort, they need therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_right_writer/pseuds/half_right_writer
Summary: She does it without thinking, without even noticing what she’s doing. But suddenly, she’s reaching out to Anakin. She always used to do it, before. When she was sad, upset. And Anakin would always be there, no matter how far away, a warm, steady presence.She reaches out-- and there’s nothing.—Ahsoka and Rex try to navigate the post-Order 66 world together
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Series: the way you showed me that I wasn’t quite alone [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732261
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	i’m glad you were my friend (though i may never see you again)

**Author's Note:**

> This could be read to a sequel to the first part of this series, but it can be read alone so you don’t have to go read that. If you want Rex feels, go check it out!  
> I’ve always wondered why Rex and Ahsoka split up, and since we were never given an explanation I thought I’d give one. I think I’ll make another part in the series but we’ll see. She doesn’t quite leave him yet, but I think they part ways pretty soon. Anyways, in the Ahsoka book, it says that whenever she reaches out to Anakin she can’t feel anything. So I tried to show what that was like for her for the first time here. Also i tried to be as canon compliant as I could be I am human so I could have messed up. Sorry in advance if this is the case!

Rex can’t let himself think about it. Ahsoka knows he can’t. That moment, earlier-- when he’d let himself think, let himself  _ feel--  _ he nearly broke down, nearly couldn’t handle it. She could feel it, feel the way his ends were unraveling, feel the way his world was crashing down around him. It was happening to her, too-- but she pushed it to the back, pushed away so she could focus on the here, on the now, like Obi-wan had always taught here-- and like Anakin had tried to. She was strong because she had to be.

Now, Rex is strong too. Or, he’s trying to look it. They have barely spoken since they left the crash site. There’s nothing to say. Nothing they  _ could  _ say. 

But they’ll have to talk soon. Ahsoka isn’t sure of anything in this new world, but she knows that she can't have been the only Jedi to survive Order 66. She was barely more than a padawan and if she had made it, others had too, and that meant they would be hunted. Taken down like animals until they were extinct. 

  
And Ahsoka wouldn’t drag Rex down with her.

She loves him with a strength so fierce, it surprises her at times. In some ways, he’s her brother, and other ways, her father, and sometimes both-- but mostly, he’s a friend. Her only friend, Ahsoka realizes quietly. She shakes the thought because she  _ can’t think, can’t feel, just can’t--  _ not yet.

They don’t dare stop for a long time, but soon they are forced to, to refuel the ship. They land on a small moon-- Urakor II, according to the ship’s charts--where the entire population is just a few towns scattered throughout the north hemisphere. Rex looks like he wants to object when she leaps neatly from the ship to accompany Rex into one such town, but he remains silent.

When they reach Urakathen, the town, Rex pauses. “You should stay here. It’s too dangerous.”

Ahsoka cocks her head in disbelief. “I don’t think there’s anything in this town that could hurt me, Rex.”

Rex shakes his head nervously. “Just to be safe. We don’t know where they could be.  They could be looking for you, even here!” 

“I’ll be fine, Rex. In fact, I was thinking we should split up.” The words very nearly catch in her throat, but she forces them out before she can change her mind.  _ It’s for the best. _

“Split up?” Rex repeats with a frown.

“Yeah. You get the fuel, I get outfit changes, food, supplies. Stuff like that.”

Her throat clenches again around the lie as he hesitates, and a part of her wants him to refuse, to not let her out of his sight for a moment. But something in him-- maybe the years of taking orders from her, or maybe just the fact that he respects her and knows she can take care of herself-- relents, and he nods. “Fine. Meet me by the ship by sundown.”

That doesn’t give them a lot of time-- the cycles on this moon are short, and the sun’s already lowering. But Ahsoka doesn’t need time. She needs a quick, quiet getaway.  _ I’m sorry, Rex.  _

Will he be okay without her? Anxiety clenches her stomach unexpectedly as she takes the first steps away from him. What if he couldn’t live without his brothers? What if he didn’t know  _ how?  _ He had only ever known war, after all…

Ahsoka grits her teeth and shakes the thoughts from her head. She’s making excuses and she knows it. Rex was smart, and tough. He’d be fine without her. It was her attachment to him that would kill the both of them, when really only Ahsoka’s death was inevitable. This was for the best.

So why did each step feel like she was being torn apart?

Every Jedi she had ever known had warned her about attachments-- even Anakin, despite his obvious, er, failures there. They were distractions at best and paths to the Dark Side at worst. Ahsoka, however, had never quite been able to grasp the concept perfectly-- and with Anakin as her master, that was never exactly frowned upon.

_ Is this why?  _ Ahsoka thinks dully as she rounds a corner and Rex passes out of view.  _ So we don’t have to feel this agony when we lose them?  _

She knows part of the pain stems from not only leaving Rex, but leaving the only friend-- really, the only person she  _ knows--  _ behind. She’s not just losing her Captain, she’s losing any ties to her old life-- and just leaving that in the dust, without even a glance back-- that hurts.

She does it without thinking, without even noticing what she’s doing. But suddenly, she’s reaching out to Anakin. She always used to do it, before. When she was sad, upset. And Anakin would always be there, no matter how far away, a warm, steady presence.

She reaches out-- and there’s nothing.

That nothing, that  _ empty hole  _ where Anakin should be, slams into Ahsoka. She gasps like the wind has been knocked out of her as she nearly topples over from the force of it, from how  _ wrong  _ it feels. Blindly, she throws her hand out against an alley wall for support. Some part of her has known, of course. Some dark, scared part of her knows that hundreds of Jedi across the galaxy had been slaughtered. She had felt it, and continued feeling that strange quiet of the Force afterwards. And of course, she’d known, logically, that Anakin wasn’t alive. Even the greatest Jedi in the galaxy could do nothing against blasters firing ceaselessly, with no escape in sight. And yet-- 

Her master. Her brother.  _ Her Anakin--  _ was dead.

That blank space in the Force that Anakin had always occupied seemed to fill Ahsoka. Her mind repeated the words over and over, until it was all she could hear. She reached out blindly again with the Force.

_ Anakin? _

Nothing.

The tears burn her eyes and her breath comes in ragged gasps.Her palms dig into the rough wall of the ally in a vague attempt to ground herself, but she’s already spiralling as she screams into the Force.

_ Obi-wan? Please-- _

Nothing. Ahsoka’s knees buckle.  _ You already knew, why, why-- you can’t do anything about, just-- _

Ahsoka sucks in gulps of air, but it’s not enough.  _ Master Plo? Yoda, please, anyone-- _

“Ahsoka?”

For a split second, she thinks maybe there had been an answer in the Force-- but then warm, rough, real hands are on her shoulders, shaking her slightly and Ahsoka is brought back to the world around her.

Wide, brown eyes stare down at her in concern. Rex’s furrowed eyebrows create wrinkles on his face that shouldn’t really be there, that he seems too young to have. Ahsoka stares at him, tears still wet on her face.

“Rex--?”

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Ahsoka stares up at him blankly for a moment, the words not really registering. Rex was supposed to be getting fuel. He shouldn’t have followed her, but... but she can’t even think about that now. Surrounding her is the emptiness that hours ago had been full, and it’s filling her mind and ripping out her heart and she can’t just not think about, she can’t not feel it--

“They’re dead,” Ahsoka mumbles. “They’re all-- they’re all dead, Rex, and I--” her face screws up as the tears return, fierce and overpowering once more. “I can  _ feel  _ it, Rex, he’s gone, I--” 

A sob envelopes her words and she can’t say any more.

“Ahsoka,” Rex replies, pained. He drops to his knees and takes her in his arms as sob after body-wracking sob rips through the Togruta. He offers no words of comfort. There’s nothing he can say. Instead, he just lets her cry, lets her think, lets her feel as his own silent tears slip down his cheeks.

“I know,” he whispers. “I know.”

_ I can’t leave him,  _ Ahsoka realizes distantly. She has to, but she can’t. He’s literally her entire world in this moment, and she can’t just leave it in the dust.

The tears subside eventually, but Rex doesn’t let go. Ahsoka’s head is rested on his shoulder and his hand just below the nape of her neck. They don’t move. The minutes drag on, but they don’t move.

“What’ll we do, Rex?” Ahsoka rasps eventually. 

“I don’t know, kid,” Rex whispers brokenly. “I just don’t know.”

So they sit together in the grimy alley of a backwater moon, and are lost together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you want more give a kudos and a comment! If you want to chat, come talk to me on tumblr @the-first-refrain


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